Today he said that he didn't feel at home in our apartment because all of the furniture is mine and it is all arranged the way that I want it. It's strange to hear that because it doesn't feel like my home at all. Nothing looks familiar to me.

I still feel like i'm living in some alternate reality. I read that this feeling is actually part of the grieving process. Somehow it helps a person cope with the shock. I know I need to let myself go through this and be patient.

It's interesting that I like to start blogs when I'm feeling a certain way about life. I guess it's a way of trying to deal with something bigger than myself. I can wrap my head around a lot of things, but there are times when I am absolutely over-powered.

I am so grateful that I have the friend's and family that I do. I can't say that enough right now. As lonely and isolated as I feel, I can rely on the thought that there ARE people out there that love me.

I never imagined I'd be spending my New Year's Eve like this. Apparently with 2010, I'll be getting a new life along with the new year.